


Until The Morning

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Game of Thrones Season 8 [11]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Letters, Post-Episode: s08e04 The Last of the Starks, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 06:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18750643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Jaime is gone, and Brienne does her best to pick up the pieces and carry on. Until the war is won and she has to face him again.





	Until The Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I’m still here having a lot of feelings about episode four. This is my way of working through them.

Brienne allows herself the night to cry. She curls up in the bed that for weeks she's been sharing with Jaime and she lets it all out. All her anger and pain and fear. It spills out along with her tears that sink into Jaime's pillow.  She lets herself feel it all until the morning.

Then she gets up and dresses herself. She raises her head high and sets off to start her day. She can do this. She was fine on her own before. She can be fine again.

She focuses on what she needs to do. Help with overseeing the rebuilds to the castle. Make sure there are supplies for the wounded. Continue to train with Podrick.

He doesn't ask questions, though she can tell he wants to. He watches her a little too closely. Enough to put her on edge until she's snapping at him in a way she hasn't in months, before sending him on his way.

After that she just walks. She tells herself she's taking in the state of the castle. But it's more than that. She's afraid of being still. Of having time with herself to think. To remember the night before and how Jaime had just left.

“Brienne?”

Brienne turns at the sound of Sansa’s voice. She’s standing near one for the doors leading into the castle.

“Yes my lady?”

“Are you alright?” Sansa asks her as Brienne comes to stand by her.

“Of course,” Brienne says.

“It’s just… and you can tell me if this isn’t my place, but I noticed that Ser Jaime is gone.”

Brienne has to look away, “He went back to King’s Landing. To Cersei.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Sansa says.

“Why not?” Brienne asks, her tone sharper than she intended it to be. “He loves her.”

“He loves _you_ ,” Sansa tells her. “I could tell the moment I saw you two together and she stood up for him. That doesn’t look like someone that would just up and leave. Not after what you two have been through.”

“Well he did,” Brienne says. “And there’s nothing I can do to change that. He made his choice. Now if you'll excuse me…”

She goes to walk past Sansa, but she stops her with a hand on her arm. “I think you should consider the reasons he could have for leaving. He might have gone back to King’s Landing, but I don’t think it was to be with Cersei.”

“What other…?”

Brienne stops, feeling like the breath has been knocked out of her. She thinks about jos much Jaime looked like he was hurting as she pleaded with him to stay. How he couldn’t meet her eyes. He’d been hiding something. Masking his true intentions.

“Did you see him before he left?” Sansa asks.

“Yes, but only after I caught him trying to sneak away,” Brienne says. “He was just going to leave without saying anything.”

“Maybe because he knew how hard it would be to say goodbye to you,” Sansa offers.

Brienne nods. She’s no doubt right, but that doesn’t make it any easier. “I really would like to have some time to myself now.”

“Of course,” Sansa says, removing her hand from Brienne’s arm and stepping away from the door. “But if you need anything I’m here. Even if it is someone to complain to.”

“Thank you Lady Sansa. I appreciate that.”

The room feels far too big for her now.  It had made sense to stay here when it had been her and Jaime. Now it's just full of memories of their time together.

How they'd sit and talk by the fire before making their way to bed. How it felt to have him surrounding her. All the things she never dared think of having.

She knows she'll be fine. She always is. But it still hurts. She still misses him.

She sits by the fire now, a cup of wine in her hand. She hasn't drank it. It was more to have something to do with her hands.

Something on the mantle catches her eye and she stands. It's a piece of parchment, folded in half, with her name on it. She can tell it's in Jaime's hand from here.

She stands and puts her cup aside before grabbing the letter. She studies it a moment, wondering when he left it there.

She takes the letter to the bed and sits down. She doesn't know what she'll find here. She knows it could wind up making her feel worse, but she needs to know what he has to say.

With a deep breath she unfolds the letter and starts to read.

* * *

 

_Brienne,_

_If you’re reading this that means I’m already gone. I am sorry for the way I had to leave you. You deserve better than that. Better than me, if I’m honest. You always have. But for some reason you look at me and you see something good. I want to be that man for you. A man deserving of your love. Which is why I have to leave._

_With Cersei alive there will always be a threat hanging over our heads. Over yours. I’d hate to think of what she would do if she ever learned about you. About how much you mean to me. I'm afraid she'd try and have you killed. She already sent Bronn to kill me. There's no reason she wouldn't pay someone to kill you. I can't let that happen._

_I spent so much of my life devoted to her. Doing things I’m not proud of. It’s time I write those wrongs and out an end to this before she has a chance to hurt anyone else._

_So I’m going to King’s Landing. I’m going to stop her. I’m the only one who has a chance of getting close enough to end this without there being a lot of bloodshed. I have to do this._

_I can’t ask for you to understand or forgive me for leaving you and hurting you the way I did. But know that I do love you, Brienne. No matter what happens in King’s Landing that won’t change._

_All my love,_

_Jaime_

* * *

 

Brienne clutches the letter tightly in her hands. She closes her eyes as sobs start to wrack her body. Part of her had known when he left that he might not be coming back, but this… this makes it worse.

Jaime is knowingly putting himself in danger to stop Cersei. For her, and for the Seven Kingdoms. He always does what’s right in the end. That’s who he is. She just wishes he would have told her.

_He was protecting you,_ she thinks. _Keeping you as far away from Cersei as possible._

It doesn't help. The thought of him going up against Cersei alone terrifies her. But she knows she's too far away to stop it.

But maybe someone else can try.

She stands and gathers what she needs and pens a letter to Tyrion. He needs to know what his brother has planned. Something tells her Jaime didn't tell him. He's determined to do this alone.

It's also a way of assuring Jaime's safety from Daenerys Targaryen. Hopefully Tyrion will tell her what Jaime is doing so there will be no way to doubt his intentions. The last thing they need is for him to be murdered before he can even walk through the gates.

Brienne walks the halls of Winterfell, her cloak pulled tightly against her as she goes to send the letter to Tyrion.

Sansa is waiting outside her room when Brienne gets back. “I was just coming to check on you.”

Brienne opens the door and lets them inside. “I was hoping to talk to you, my lady.”

“What is it?”

Brienne grabs the letter off the table. While she isn't going to let Sansa read it, she should still know what's going on. “Ser Jaime left me a letter.”

Sansa smiles, “I didn't think he'd leave you without an explanation.” When Brienne stays silent, she frowns. “It’s not good news, is it?”

“As if it ever could be,” Brienne says. She stares down at the words on the page, but she doesn’t really see them. “Jaime went to King’s Landing to kill Cersei.”

Sansa remains silent. Brienne looks up to find her looking off over Brienne’s shoulder to the fire. “Do you think he’ll do it?” Sansa finally asks.

Brienne takes a moment to consider it. Jaime had sounded sure in his letter. And she can understand his reasoning. “I do.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I thought you’d be happy,” Brienne says. “You hate Cersei.”

“She’s a horrible, vile woman. Yes I do want her dead,” Sansa says. “But I’m asking how you feel.”

“I just want Jaime safe,” Brienne tells her. “I want him happy. He doesn’t think that can happen with her alive. Honestly neither do I. She’d never let him go. Not while she’s breathing. And she has hurt so many people, and will continue to do so if she's not stopped. So yes, I'm okay with Jaime's decision.  As long as he doesn't get pulled down in the process.”

“But you fear he will?”

“I do,” Brienne admits. “But I have to trust he knows what he's doing. I also wrote a letter to Lord Tyrion making him aware of Jaime's intentions.”

“Keeping him safe from Daenerys in the process,” Sansa muses.

Brienne nods. Sansa has always been able to pick up on things. The world would do better by listening to her insight.

“Do you want to go after him?”

“My place is here,” Brienne tells her. “I just have to trust in Jaime.”

“He will return to you,” Sansa says. “He loves you.”

Brienne doesn't say what she's thinking. That sometimes loving someone isn't enough. She knows that well enough without Brienne telling her. But it's a nice sentiment all the same. One that makes the waiting a little easier.

News doesn’t come often, and when it does there’s rarely any mention of Jaime. She does get a response from Tyrion thanking her for informing him of Jaime’s plan, and saying that he’ll do what he can to look out for him. Brienne tries to take comfort in that.

It’s a few days after Jaime has left that Brienne starts to suspect that something is off with her. She’s been more irritable as of late and her appetite isn’t the same. When she has one, that is. On top of that she’s had many mornings where she’s woken up feeling nauseous. At first she tried to attribute to the strain of the past few weeks, but the longer it goes on the harder it is to ignore.

Seeing no other option she goes to Maester Carlisle. He came to Winterfell after the fight with the dead in order to fill the vacant role of Maestet. He’s around her father's age and has a twinkle in his eyes that sometimes reminds her of him. He looks surprised when Brienne approaches him in his chambers asking to speak with him.

“Is everything alright, Ser Brienne?”

“I’m not sure,” she admits. “I haven’t been feeling well. I don’t get sick often so I was hoping you could help me figure out what’s happening.”

He nods and gestures for her to sit down, “Tell me now you’ve been feeling.”

Brienne does. She goes through all the things she’s been experiencing, as uncomfortable as it might be. When she’s done Maester Carlisle is silent, his fingers steepled in front of him.

Brienne holds her breath, waiting for him to speak. Something tells her whatever he tells her is going to change everything.

* * *

 

Brienne watches as Podrick trains with one of the local boys. He’s gotten very good. Good enough to be able to teach someone else a few things. She can’t help the proud smile as she watches him.

She hears a horse enter the courtyard but doesn’t look. She’s used to people coming and going by now. The time when they had to be afraid of who might walk through the gate has passed.

They got news a month ago that the war was over. Brienne never asked for details. Part of her was afraid to. Afraid that if she asked about Jaime she’d hear that he parrished. She’s not sure she can handle that. Not now. So she lets herself live without any knowledge. It might not be the best method, but it works.

“Umm Ser?”

Brienne looks to Podrick. He’s standing with his sword in his hand, but he’s facing the gate.

Brienne follows his gaze and feels her breath catch. Standing there in the middle of the courtyard is Jaime. He looks the same as the day he left, except his hair is a little longer. She can’t help but think she likes it. But she pushes the thought away. She shouldn’t be thinking such things.

Her feet are moving towards him before she can really think about it. He eyes her warily. She can only imagine what she must look like. She stops in front of him.

“Ser Brienne. It’s good to…”

Brienne’s hand connects with his face. Her chest is heaving as she stares at him.

“I suppose I deserve that,” Jaime says.

“Damn right you do,” Brienne hisses. “You should have told me what you were planning.”

“I wanted to,” Jaime tells her. “But I was worried. I needed to protect you.”

“I can protect myself Jaime,” Brienne says. “The way you handled it…”

“I could have done better, I know.”

“You left me,” she whispers. Her hand instinctively goes to her belly. “You left us.”

Jaime’s eyes widen as his gaze drifts down to her stomach. “You mean you’re…”

“I am.”

Jaime falls to his knees and puts his head in his hands. His shoulders start to shake and Brienne realizes he’s crying. She kneels down in front of him and takes his face into her hands.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. That I made you believe I didn’t care. But I had to…”

“I know,” Brienne says. “I got your letter. I understand. I do wish you would have told me rather than trying to make me hate you. It would have been hard, and I would have tried to talk you out of it, of course. Because I love you. But I would have understood and let you go if that’s what you really wanted.”

“You love me?”

“Of course I do,” Brienne says. “And our child will love you.”

Jaime leans in and kisses her softly. When he pulls back his rests his head against hers. “I love you too Brienne. And if you’ll have me I would like to stay and…”

He trails off, his gaze dropping to his hands. Brienne stokes her thumb across his cheek. “And what?”

He pulls back, his eyes lifting to meet hers. “I don’t have anything to offer you. Not anymore. But I love you. And I’ll love our child. And I would be honored if you would be my wife.”

Brienne smiles and kisses him again, “I would like that very much.”

“So I don’t have to kill him then?” Brienne hears Arya asking before Sansa shushes her.

Brienne laughs and pulls Jaime to his feet. “I think we've had enough death, don't you?”

“More than enough,” Jaime agrees.

“Are you going to be staying with us long,  Ser Jaime?” Sansa asks him.

Before Jaime can respond Brienne steps in. “Actually,  my lady I was hoping to go to Tarth. It's been a long while since I last saw my father. And I'd like to give him the news. After the baby is born, of course.”

Sansa smiles, “You've been a loyal friend, Brienne. I will miss having you here. But I'm happy for you.”

Brienne bows her head, “Thank you Lady Sansa.”

“Did I hear that I'm going to be an uncle?” Tyrion asks.

“You did,” Brienne says. This child is going to be the most loved child in the Seven Kingdoms. Isn't that right Uncle Podrick.”

Podrick's brow furrows. “I'm not…”

“You are,” Brienne says. “You're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. So of course you'd be his or her uncle.”

“I hope it's a girl,” Jaime murmurs, placing a kiss to Brienne's cheek.

Brienne thinks about. A girl with golden hair and blue eyes. Growing up safe and loved on Tarth. Jaime rocking her to sleep when she gets fussy.  Her getting her her first sword and the two of them showing her how to use it.

“That would be nice,” Brienne says.

“I think you should name her Arya if it's a girl,” Arya says.

“Sansa is obviously the better name choice,” Sansa argues.

Brienne smiles and turns to Jaime, “I'm partial to the name Catelyn.”

Jaime returns her smile and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “That sounds perfect.”

Brienne thinks of the woman that brought her and Jaime together. Though not quite in the way she imagined it. When Brienne first met Jaime she never thought she'd be here either. But he's changed. They've both grown. It might not be where they imagined their lives going, but it's where they belong.


End file.
